The official Cyanide & Happiness iPhone app

Wiki describes C&H as "dark, cynical, often offensive, and exceedingly irreverent."

"Cyanide & Happiness (As seen on the internet!) has finally made it's way to your iPhone/iTouch/iPad/other iThing! Comics, shorts, really exciting news, it's all right at your fingertips! Plus some other things!

          Features include:

• Comic Archive: Get access to all ~1,800 C&H comics in an easy-navigable archive. Get new comics the second they're available, or somehow bend the rules of space and time and get them even earlier!
• Shake for random!
• Portrait/Landscape viewing.
• Favorites: Save your favorite comics for quick (and offline!) viewing later. Impress your friends! Impress your enemies! Impress otherwise apathetic people! It's really versatile!
• Animated Shorts: Watch streaming C&H animated shorts from the comfort of anywhere.
• News: Read all about upcoming events, books, announcements, the works!
• Seizure Mode: Shake!"

C&H - Religious Xtremists card

C&H - Anal sex card

"Women do: piercings, tatoos, 
face lifts, cesarean birth, 
liposuction, plucking of facial 
hair and eyebrows, and 
depilation with hot wax...

So how dare they tell you 
"it hurts" when you ask 
for some anal sex?!"

Source: Cyanide and Happiness

Wiki: Cyanide and Happiness

Cool Cards: Cyanide and Happiness Cards

 

Design: Abstruse Goose - Tree of Life

The evolution of the BLT:

Tree of Life

Source: Abstruse Goose

My Anti-Valentine

"Valentine's Day is like herpes: just when you think its gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD.

Yes, it's that special time of year when chocolate manufacturers and greetings card companies encourage you to demonstrate the extent of your fondness in cold, hard, cash (or the satin-covered equivalent) on February 14th.

Fuck that.

This year, celebrate or commiserate by sending an anti-valentine. Stick two fingers (or one, if you're that way culturally inclined) at any organisation with a vested interest which prescribes how and when to show your feelings. This year, don't say it with flowers: say it with bile."

Source: Meish

"What’s all this about, then?
The idea of the site is to provide an alternative card-sending service for all the people who think Valentine’s Day is sickly-sweet, exclusively coupley, consumerist nonsense or otherwise a bit naff.

Who’s behind this site? How long has this been going? How did you come up with the idea?
The original VD cards were created by me (Meg Pickard) and David Pannett when we were both single and grumpy while sharing a flat in London and working in new media. We created a bunch of cynical cards poking fun at the cutesy commercialism of the day, to send to our friends, with slogans like “Destined to die alone and unloved in a room heavy with the tang of cat wee” and “Oh my god. Thirty and still single.” They were just downloads, really, but we had fun making them.

The next year, we did it again, only this time we added an automatic send function – a free thing, supported by ads. Not great, but about the limits of our technical knowledge at the time. We were surprised how popular they were – a couple of thousand sent!

In 2003, we redesigned and ran the site again, this time with an ad-free back end. Over a two week period, more than 30,000 cards were sent. In 2004 the total grew again, to nearly 100K. In 2005, the number of cards sent soared past the 200K mark before the server collapsed under the strain. And so the pattern continued: lots of traffic, lots of technology fail.

Every year saw a substantial revamp of both cards and back-end functionality in an effort to keep on top of demand. 

In 2009, I decided that sending things by email was
a) too much hassle (in terms of being exploited by spambots and the like, plus causing my lovely hosts at Pair to have palpitations once a year) and
b) like, sooooo 2005. Who uses email anymore for sending stuff around the internet? Quite.

So it was reborn in early February 2009 with a social webtools spin, so people can share the love (and spread VD) via facebook, twitter, digg or anything else."

Source: Meish

My Zombie Valentine

Be my Valintestine.

"Cruising my local Clinton Cards in the weeks before Valentine's Day I noticed a cavernous gap in the market. There are all sorts of slushy teddy bear and bunny rabbit cards available but I couldn't find any that feature reanimated corpses or internal organs being eaten.
As I was sure that there must be a huge market for this kind of card I immediately set about rectifying the situation through the medium of linocut.

I'm sure your loved ones would be delighted to receive an original living dead message of love this February 14th.
Enjoy – I'm off to go and see if anyone from Clinton's or Moonpig.com are interested!

PS. while you are free to download and use the images for personal use please don't go using my cards for commercial gain as that would make me very sad indeed."

Source: Quinky Art

My Valentine - since 1941

"The Valentine’s card which Doris Ward will lovingly place on her mantelpiece on Monday is a little faded and worn around the edges. Which is hardly surprising, since it is making its 70th annual appearance.

As a 17-year-old, Doris was presented with the card by her sweetheart Harry as she boarded a train to volunteer for war training on February 14, 1941.

The couple married the following year, going on to have two daughters, two granddaughters and four great-grandchildren.

And the romance still remains in their marriage – along with what must surely be Britain’s best-used Valentine’s card.

‘Harry has never bought me one since, because I have this one every year,’ said 87-year-old Mrs Ward at the couple’s home in Bristol. ‘I bring it out of the cupboard and put it on our mantelpiece every Valentine’s Day.

"Two hearts entwine this Valentine. True love makes it sincere"

‘Harry was in the cafe drinking a milkshake and he said hello,’ she said. ‘He asked me my name and we got talking and we really hit it off.

'He offered to walk me to the bus stop but when we got outside a bombing raid had started and there were flares going off everywhere around us, so we had to run to a nearby air-raid shelter. 

‘We sat together in there for hours whilst Bristol was being bombed and he even fell asleep on my shoulder.’ Harry was a Royal Marine stationed in Plymouth, while Doris volunteered for the Auxiliary Territorial Service.

Source: Daily Mail

Scientists produce 'world's smallest Christmas card'

Scientists have produced what they believe is the world's smallest Christmas card.

It was created by nantotechnologists at the University of Glasgow and is so small it could fit on to the surface of a postage stamp 8,276 times.

Prof David Cumming said: "Our nanotechnology is among the best in the world but sometimes explaining to the public what the technology is capable of can be a bit tricky."

"We decided that producing this Christmas card was a simple way to show just how accurate our technology is."

Source: BBC News

Jesus and Mo at Christmas

Our Atheist and Secular Christmas card offerings have been woeful this year... Sorry.

Please do visit Jesus and Mo for joyful images such as these:

Jesus and Mo   (sadly not available at Cool Cards)

Operation Holly. Turkey or Porridge? Cops send Crim-bo cards to the worst offenders

CHRISTMAS cards warning criminals they could end up “doing porridge” instead of eating turkey are being sent out by police in Wales.

The greetings, personally signed by detectives, will be hand-delivered to the most prolific offenders across Cardiff in the coming days.

Featuring a stark picture of a man lying on a cell bunk next to a stainless steel toilet and a tinsel-covered tree, the greeting inside warns known burglars and thieves they could spend Christmas Day behind bars if they fail to show good will to all men.

Detective Inspector Tudor Thomas said the cards served as a timely reminder and deterrent to those who might be tempted to break the law as the season’s financial pressures build.
“Those who ignore our message could find themselves spending the festive season in one of our cells,” he added.

The greeting inside the cards warns: “Don’t be a turkey this Christmas; South Wales Police are continuing their operation against persistent offenders. Season’s greetings from South Wales Police.”

They are just one of the many measures – including increasing police patrols by putting back-office staff on the beat – which are part of the city’s Christmas crime crackdown, known as Operation Holly.

Detectives across Cardiff will be given cards to send to those who commit the most crimes in their area.
Det Insp Thomas, from Roath and Cathays CID, said: “We have an effective and successful offender management unit, which monitors convicted criminals who are now out of prison.
“Many of these people have stopped committing crime; however, we know that there are extra financial pressures and temptations at this time of year so the cards serve as an additional reminder.”

Police have acknowledged that although the latest Home Office figures show burglaries are down 15.1% compared to the same period last year, break-ins traditionally increase in the run-up to Christmas as criminals know people have presents and other valuables at home.
Det Insp Thomas added: “The cards might seem light-hearted, but the image on the front is the reality and they carry a very serious message.”

Source: Wales Online

Secular Xmas cards

Secular Xmas cards are a sign that ‘Christ is being airbrushed out of Christmas’

"A SURVEY carried out by the Daily Mail reveals that less than one per cent of cards stocked by supermarkets have religious themes.

Some had no cards at all with religious references in their extensive ranges.

Customers are far more likely to choose this sort of card at Xmas

The paper visited major outlets of the big four supermarkets – Asda, Sainsbury’s, Tesco and Morrisons – in seven towns and cities.

Out of 5,363 cards sold individually or in multipacks, just 45 featured Christian scenes such as the Nativity – 0.8 per cent.

The “worst offender” was Morrisons, which had six out of a range of 973 cards, or 0.6 per cent.

Second “worst” was Tesco, despite chief executive Sir Terry Leahy, a practising Catholic, writing to a customer in October to tell her:

We have increased the number of Christmas cards that will be available with a religious theme this year.

Dr Don Horrocks, of the Evangelical Alliance, said supermarkets were:

Airbrushing Christ out of Christmas.There has been a rise in cards that say ‘Season’s greetings’ or ‘Happy holidays’ which is evidence of the speeding up of the trend of stripping the religion out of Christian festivals.

Stephen “Birdshit” Green, the solitary voice of Christian Voice, added:

The situation is caused by managers subscribing to political correctness and the idea that in some way Christian cards are offensive to other religions. This is simply not true.

Even Muslims have been jumping on the bandwagon. Anas Altikriti, of the Muslim Association of Britain, said he was “worried” at the increasing secularisation of Britain.

People who are looking for proper choice of Christmas cards should raise it with the store manager.

The Mail was contacted by a Tesco customer earlier this week who said her local store in Ely, Cambridgeshire, had just a “handful” of cards with religious themes last year – and still had only three out of 67 last month, despite a personal assurance from Sir Terry.

After she had repeatedly contacted customer services, she received a letter from the company chief. She moaned:

Sir Terry promised more cards this year. But the selection of cards with anything relating to the true meaning of Christmas was tiny, so he has not kept his word.

Tesco said it had doubled the range of religiously themed cards this year but refused to give numbers, saying they “vary from store to store”.

An Asda spokesman said:

We sell five different Christmas cards that have religious sentiment and traditional designs.

And Morrisons said:

We stock types of cards that appeal to our customers.

A Sainsbury’s spokesman added:

The ranges that appear in our stores reflect what our customers want to buy.";

Source: The Freethinker

Saddened by the lack of religious xmas cards? 

Try here: Cool Christmas Cards

Dutch Elm Conservatoire come up with new greeting card slogans.

Mechanicards : mailable scultptures by Brad Litwin

MechaniCards™ are miniature, hand-operated, kinetic sculptures, designed and produced in limited edition by Bradley N. Litwin.   

Each one is hand made, numbered and signed by the artist.   

They are constructed primarily from paperboard, with a few bits of wood, metal, or plastic. 

They make excellent gifts, and are suitable for mailing, as truly unique greeting cards.  Each piece comes with complete instructions and display recommendations. 

They are also available as do-it-yourself construction kits.

The Englishman Who Posted Himself and Other Curious Objects

Come on, let's get creative people..!

"W. Reginald Bray (1879-1939) was an avid collector who amassed stamps, postmarks, train tickets, and girlfriends, and who, after reading the entire British Post Office Guide, impishly determined to take the rules as challenges. He tried posting an unimaginable array of things, to see whether the post office would deliver them. Apparently, at the time, the smallest item that could be posted was a bee, and the largest an elephant. Bray seems to have tried most things in between. At one point or another, he mailed a bowler hat, a rabbit skull (the address spelled out on the nasal bone, and the stamps pasted to the back), a purse, a slipper, a clothes brush, seaweed, shirt collars, a penny, a turnip (address and message carved into the durable tuber), an Irish Terrier, and a pipe, among other curios.

Perhaps most remarkably, he posted himself, becoming the first man to send a human through the mail in 1900, and then, through registered mail, in 1903. Tingey’s book includes a picture of Bray being delivered to his own doorstep—presumably the sort of package likely to please the lady of the house.

And Bray did not stop there. He sent postcards crocheted by his mother. He made out address fields in cryptic verse, or to the inhabitants of empty caves, or describing only the latitude and longitude of the destination, or with a picture of the location to which the article was meant to be delivered (see, in the slideshow below, the postcard made out to “The Resident Nearest This Rock,” for example). He threw messages into bottles and solicited the world’s largest collection of autographs, including ones from Gary Cooper and Laurence Olivier, Charlie Chaplain and Maurice Chevalier."

Source: The New Yorker

Book available from: Amazon (UK)

World first for Royal Mail - 'intelligent' stamp

The Royal Mail has launched the world's first "intelligent" stamp, the first to work with image recognition technology.

The stamp, part of the Royal Mail's latest Great British Railways edition, will launch online content via an iPhone or Android smartphone.

Users place the camera over the stamp, which then launches the online content.



The Royal Mail said intelligent stamps "mark the next step in the evolution of our stamps, bringing them firmly into the 21st Century."

People can use the stamps via the Junaio application, which contains a Royal Mail channel which activates the phone's camera.

Royal Mail has created a short film of Bernard Cribbins reading WH Auden's poem Night Mail for the launch, first made famous in the 1936 documentary film of the same name about the London to Glasgow postal train.

Mr Cribbins said: "WH Auden wrote the Night Mail poem in 1936 for the Post Office's own blockbuster film of the same name, which has for years remained in the hearts and minds of many.

The application is available in the iTunes store and Android Market free of charge.

The Royal Mail's Philip Parker said: "This is the first time a national postal service has used this kind of technology on their stamps and we're very excited to be bringing intelligent stamps to the nation's post.

"Royal Mail's special stamps mark key events and anniversaries in the UK's heritage through a programme which aims to be both educational and informative.

"Through Intelligent Stamp technology, our stamps will open up to a whole new world of information, interest and fun to collectors and the millions of people who will receive them on letters in the coming months alike."

The technology will also be made available on selected future special stamps.

Source: BBC - Yorkshire Evening Post
Also: Night Mail

We got a cool postcard

We were delighted to receive a postcard today. Thank you Rusty..!

Keep in touch

Nothing to do with greeting cards... but a thought provoking piece which reminds us to keep in touch with friends and reaffirm relationships...



Keep in touch with Cool Cards

It beggars belief...

Hallmark have been selling a graduation card for three years... but have now withdrawn it from sale. Why?

"And you black holes, you are so ominous. Watch your back," the card vocalizes.


"That was very demeaning to African American women. When it made reference to African American women as whores and at the end, it says 'watch your back,'" said Leon Jenkins of the Los Angeles NAACP.

When Hallmark was reached by phone, they said the card is all a misunderstanding. The card's theme is the solar system and emphasizes the power of the grad to take over the universe, even energy-absorbing black holes.

The card company says the card speaks about the power the grad will wield.

"The intent here is to say that this graduate is not afraid of anything," explained Hallmark spokesman Steve Doyal.

But that's not what some people heard.

"You hear the 'r' in there. 'Whores,' not, 'holes.' The 'r' is in there," said Minnie Hatley of the Los Angeles NAACP.
"

Source: ABC

Greeting Card Writer

We've posted this before but it's due a review... Just to remind you how very, very, hard it is to write a great card verse.

Design Idea - Song Lyrics

Music Philosophy

Mico is a designer. He likes music and typography.
So he combined them on this Project because he had nothing better to do.

"Music Philosophy is a weekly graphic/typographic interpretation of philosophical song quotes. All the posters look great as an iPhone desktop wallpaper, so feel free to download them. Hope you enjoy."


John Lennon


The Beatles


Michael Jackson


Rolling Stones


Music Philosophy

via: Aqua Velvet

Ghana Postal Workers - Work Music

In praise of Postie: Creativity through monotony.
Joyful Posties at work stamping stamps, all the live long day.

Elise Moab Q&A: "Where and where was it created?

This particular piece is a field recording that was recorded by ethnomusicologist James Koetting in 1975. The music was created by the postal workers canceling stamps in the University of Ghana post office in Ghana.
The whistled part is from the hymn "Bompata," by the Ghanaian composer W.J. Akyeampong (b. 1900). This type of music is created daily as a normal part of life for the Africans in Ghana."





Vimeo version:

Cancelling Stamps in Ghana from Tim Foil on Vimeo.


MP3 version at WFMU.

Read a detailed account of the recording, featured in the book/CD Worlds of Music: An Introduction to the Music of the World's Peoples

Multitasking man in action...

Battersea Dogs & Cats Home - Since 1860

Battersea Dogs & Cats Home - 150th anniversary - Royal Mail Stamps

150 years of cruelly miniturising rescued animals to save on food and accomodation bills. Yet still celebrated, now with stamps, now with the Queen's approval... where will it end? It beggars belief.
How much longer can this be allowed to go on for?
Why do we all continue to turn a blind eye to all that goes on at the Battersea Dogs Home?

"we’re making a number of stamp issues available; each one beautifully capturing the richness and diversity of British heritage and culture." (Royal Mail)

With respect, are they bollocks. And, to put it mildly, it's a National Disgrace.
It is not part of British heritage or culture to shrink dogs to postage stamp size.


battersea_yapper_dog.jpg

(actual stamp size) Does that look normal to you?

"Leonard (above), a terrier, eventuallly less than 1cm tall, somewhat underweight and wary of people. He now lives with his new owners Claire and Pete in Maidenhead."(source)

---------------------------------------------



"Tigger, a tomcat, was brought into Battersea after his owner died. He now lives with his new owners Charlotte and Ciaran in London" (source)

His left wang eye is clearly visible. It may have been due to shrinkage.

---------------------------------------------


Two miniturised Battersea dogs together - both sat against actual sized postage stamps - a rare sight.

"Herbie, a mongrel, competes in nanoball competitions and has represented Battersea Dogs and Cats home in the sport. Tafka, a collie, ex-miner, came to Battersea because her owner died and now lives together with Herbie and their new owner Tamara in Berkshire! (source)


Sources:
Battersea Dogs & Cats Home
Royal Mail Special Special Stamps
The Guardian

Bald Guy Cards - Facts & Interview

Bald Guy Greetings: When you care enough to send a witty jest

Our Bald Guy Birthday cards are selling like proverbial hot cakes (where on earth can you buy hot cakes nowadays?).

We wanted to know more about the deviant brain geniuses behind the Bald Guy snark: Ian Kalman and Sean Farrell.

Little is known of Sean Farrell. What we have gleaned so far is that he is a multi-millionaire, eco-warrior, reclusive philanthropist, rides an original Moto Guzzi California and is an award-winning advertising art director who also designs movie posters for 20th Century Fox. But, disappointingly, not bald.

Ian Kalman, on the other hand, both genius writer and President of Bald Guy cards... is bald.
Well, not quite... Ian is one of those freakishly, throw-backishly hairy guys that has to shave more than once a day.
Prior to Bald Guy Ian wrote commercials for Budweiser before turning to soft drugs and hard shaving.

In order to sustain the Bald Guy corporate image Ian now shaves his head 4 times a day and it is only during these intensely creative and bitterly resented shaving periods that Ian stares deep into his shaving mirror and only then is able to develop and fine tune his greetings card snark.
Despite this Ian remains upbeat, "Shaving 4 times a day, it could be worse. Muslims have to pray 5 times a day on their knees, at least I can see what I'm doing..."

"Just this morning I snicked my ear whilst thinking about a special friend and came up with this..."

For my special friend
on your Birthday

inside:
Part of me calls you my special friend
because you're special to me.
But part of me calls you that
because it makes you sound retarded.




"We've been described as the "Anti-Hallmark" of greeting cards, but I like to think of Hallmark as the "Anti-Bald Guy Greetings" of greeting cards" said Ian.

---

Skinnymag journalist Jennifer Elks has this to say about the Bald Guy guys:

"Once upon a time, a man with a tremendously thick and beautiful mane of hair woke to find that it had all fallen out. Traumatized into a life of silence and mental instability, the only way he could communicate was through a series of cards he created ...

Never mind, I've got nothing. Actually, Ian Kalman and Sean Farrell - only one of whom is bald - are the men behind Bald Guy Greetings, a new local greeting card company with a wicked sense of humor. The "fake history" of the company was something they promised on their website, but it never appeared.

"I've been waiting a year for Ian to write that one," Farrell says. "I think he got a little too into writing the real history and got tired. It's longer than War and Peace."

Kalman, a Bay Area native and copywriter, met artist Farrell working at a local advertising agency in 1998. The two became friends but never collaborated on a project until Bald Guy Greetings. According to the real history of the company, they got their name from a friend who commented on Kalman's lack of hair. Shouldn't both of them be bald? You wouldn't want to mislead people.

"Not only is Sean not bald, he has a ridiculous amount of hair," Kalman says. "I've been trying to talk him into shaving it bald for the sake of our greeting cards, but he refuses.

The line includes a slew of birthday, get well, apology, anniversary and relationship cards, all with some kind of eloquent insult or back-handed compliment, as well as the first "you're welcome" card we've ever seen.

Other favorites include the "I'm sorry" card with "I still think it's your fault, but they don't make a card that says that" on the inside, "I was thinking of you the other day" / "But to be honest, I was thinking about a lot of people," and "Congratulations, you two" / "Regardless of what everyone says, I don't think either of you settled."

It almost seems a shame to create such a witty collection of cards when snail mail is dying a slow, painful death at the hands of email, taking away the personal touch that giving or sending a physical cards brings.

It's definitely dying, of course it is. We're a lazy society," Kalman says. "But when you get an actual, real card in the mail with a handwritten note in it, it means a lot more than getting an e-card. E-cards are just kind of a last-minute thing, but if I actually care about the person and I want to say something special, then I'll write them a card."

The two have come a long way from their humble beginning just before Christmas of 2005, with their first sale of cards made on an HP home printer. Though they've graduated to using a professional printer - the cards are still made locally, on recycled paper - they say they have some growing to do before Bald Guy can become a full-time gig.

"Bald Guy is just kind of a hobby right now, we both still freelance in advertising," Kalman says. "But my dream has always been for this to take off. I love it; we don't make any money doing it right now but it's so much fun."

"My dream would be to paint and sell my stuff for enough money to pay my dad back," Farrell says. "[But] I would love to see the line catch on so we can try some other things under the Bald Guy name," Farrell says. "I think the characters and the tone of the writing lends itself to a lot of different areas."

You many want to avoid sending Bald Guy cards to loved ones who don't have a sense of humor. Otherwise, "Get well soon" / "Before you become a financial burden on the entire family" might not go over well.

------

So now you know.

Bald Guy Cards @ Cool Cards